Day 21 – Scampering Around Trying to Sort My Life Out (A Filler Post & Rant)

Yesterday, I said I would be doing Snacks: part 2 today, but given the title, you can probably see where this is going.

Just as a heads up tomorrow will also be a filler one, since I am going to Ocean Park with some of my school friends, so won’t be back til late (and need to sleep earlier today), so if any of you are waiting for the snacks post, see you some time after day 23 (because I really need a few days of doing nothing and relaxing right now)!

On to the prompt! Which is…. * drum roll *

Scamper (July 2)!– (It showed up earlier than normal, so I can actually do today’s prompt, rather than yesterday’s one)


Scamper!

That word just about sums up what I’ve been doing for a while now.

Scampering from one project to another, one idea to the next.

Thought after thought fills my mind without pause, from the moment I wake up to the second my head hits the pillow. Even my dreams are sometimes filled with tense situations that ask – nay – demand my attention.

I’m being pulled 90 directions, trying to make the most out of “the best 4 years of my life”.

Trying to:

  • figure out how to apply for exchange
  • look for internships
  • decide my next semester’s classes
  • type up blog posts/Camp Nanowrimo
  • list textbooks on Carousell
  • catching up on books I need to read

On and on the to-do list grows…

But above all…

Trying to figure out what I want to do after I graduate university. 

It’s not a controlled run, where there is a goal in mind and a pace to be set.

It is a frantic grasping of straws, attempting everything at once and getting nowhere.

And I am EXAUHSTED.

Pure and simple.

Because I JUST DON’T KNOW!

I don’t know what I’m doing, I don’t know how or what I’ll get a job in (Ecology and History not really known for tons of jobs) and I don’t know what the future holds for me!

If I did, it would be simple.

Just complete the skill tree that leads to me following my career path (which at this point, is more a meandering stream). Unfortunately, it’s not.

The fear of the unknown causing is to dart off wildly in an unclear direction right now, and I hate it.

All that build up of my life til this point and this is what I end up as.

A tense, anxiety ridden mess, reacting to things rather than proactively planning a course of action

Though now I think about it…

I guess that is the feeling that a cockroach gets when I suddenly switch on a light!

So much change has happened, but no time to plan.

In that instant, just one action comes to mind…

SCAMPER!


Thanks for taking the time to read my semi-rant 😛

Rebecca

Advertisements

Day 18 – 30 Minute Story #1

Since I am hitting writers block right now,  I decided to do something a bit different.

I have a semi-randomly generated “First Line” writing prompt (from Pantomimepony HERE), a timer for 30 minutes and I will try my best to write a coherent story with it.

Also no back button or editing, just pure writing since I am once again running low on time.

Think of it as the “Yes, and then…” improv method from drama.

So let’s do this!


The day my Mother was kidnapped, we ran away.

That move , strangely enough, turned out to be pretty darn terrible for me for me.

You see, the thing they don’t warn you in school about being a internationally wanted fugitive is that unlike walking or blending in with a crowd, running catches the eye.

Running is alarming, it causes people to turn around, to curse you out, and most fatal of all… stare. Look. Remember the features of that coffee brown and electric blue haired, wisp of a girl who is wearing a black wool coat run, somewhat clumsily, through the crowded train stations.

Rule one of my guide to evading a government who is hell bent on catching and arresting you: Don’t run.

Well, that is, if I live long enough to write it down somewhere.

Of course then they would just use my handwriting, compare it with those writing samples the government collected of us in kindergarten, and track my every move through even the darkest alleys of the city.

Fingerprint tracking was a thing of past, what with the rise of surgery and removal of that once vital part of the forensic polices arsenal. My protests against  removal of mine when I had the chance 10 years ago, like much of the advice my Mother gave me but threw a fit about at the time, is advice I wish I had listened to, and something that need to apologise for in the future. If I see her again….

Again, I say “Mother” but in this town, nothing is that simple. It’s complicated….

So now I’m stuck, on the run, with no plan of actions, no allies to help me and a backpack with a water bottle, a sleeping bag, a small knife… oh yeah, and my Mother’s diary containing all her research.

Yup. I’m dead.


So yeah…. that is a really rough, not even first draft of a sorta short story?? Putting that no backspace requirement is a lot harder than I thought…

Also I did waste a lot of time just sitting and thinking what to write, so this wasn’t really 30 minutes of work, more like 20 ish with 10+ devoted to thinking… what the heck did I get myself into????

Still though, there are some good things in it, I’ll probably revisit it later with a more polished draft or carry on the story with more stuff.

Perhaps I should do more of these in the future, since it was quite fun (albeit stressful) to write. Maybe then I can compare my 30 minute speed creative writing skills over time or something

But that’s it for now!

Rebecca

P.s. For future me’s records, I visited my secondary school today with a close friend. Also 3.8 GPA for this sem!!! (though with a B- in Ecology because of a stupid fish essay. Sad bubbles)