Yesterday, I said I would be doing Snacks: part 2 today, but given the title, you can probably see where this is going.
Just as a heads up tomorrow will also be a filler one, since I am going to Ocean Park with some of my school friends, so won’t be back til late (and need to sleep earlier today), so if any of you are waiting for the snacks post, see you some time after day 23 (because I really need a few days of doing nothing and relaxing right now)!
On to the prompt! Which is…. * drum roll *
Scamper (July 2)!– (It showed up earlier than normal, so I can actually do today’s prompt, rather than yesterday’s one)
That word just about sums up what I’ve been doing for a while now.
Scampering from one project to another, one idea to the next.
Thought after thought fills my mind without pause, from the moment I wake up to the second my head hits the pillow. Even my dreams are sometimes filled with tense situations that ask – nay – demand my attention.
I’m being pulled 90 directions, trying to make the most out of “the best 4 years of my life”.
- figure out how to apply for exchange
- look for internships
- decide my next semester’s classes
- type up blog posts/Camp Nanowrimo
- list textbooks on Carousell
- catching up on books I need to read
On and on the to-do list grows…
But above all…
Trying to figure out what I want to do after I graduate university.
It’s not a controlled run, where there is a goal in mind and a pace to be set.
It is a frantic grasping of straws, attempting everything at once and getting nowhere.
And I am EXAUHSTED.
Pure and simple.
Because I JUST DON’T KNOW!
I don’t know what I’m doing, I don’t know how or what I’ll get a job in (Ecology and History not really known for tons of jobs) and I don’t know what the future holds for me!
If I did, it would be simple.
Just complete the skill tree that leads to me following my career path (which at this point, is more a meandering stream). Unfortunately, it’s not.
The fear of the unknown causing is to dart off wildly in an unclear direction right now, and I hate it.
All that build up of my life til this point and this is what I end up as.
A tense, anxiety ridden mess, reacting to things rather than proactively planning a course of action
Though now I think about it…
I guess that is the feeling that a cockroach gets when I suddenly switch on a light!
So much change has happened, but no time to plan.
In that instant, just one action comes to mind…
Thanks for taking the time to read my semi-rant 😛